Victim Shaming vs Being A Victim Of Choice

Do You Have a Victim Mentality?

Headline news today was horrific.  As I opened up Facebook, the first post pertained to A New York Post Article with the headline of "Man Confesses to Murder on Facebook Live Before Killing Ex-Wife, Himself"

Here are the facts as we know.

• Rajaee Shareef Black, 44 had a 3 year contentious custody battle with ex-wife, Wendy Natalie
• Every month for the past 3 years, there were domestic violence cases filed against Rajaee Black
• He was fired from his job in 2020 from the  University of Maryland Medical System
• His girlfriend Tara was pregnant with his child and was murdered by Rajaee early afternoon on 12/12/2021
• One how later he kills ex-wife in her home and turns the gun on himself and is now deceased
• Both of their children were in the car waiting outside while all this is happening

It angers and saddens me that people took to social media and insinuated that his mental illness was a direct cause of the ex-wife and what she may or may not have done. People on social media are arguing their opinions, which is to be expected as everything is up for opinion and debate on The Book. 

One of the most popular debates are how some women are keeping their children from their fathers when a relationship doesn't work out. In this case, it's not fair to lump situations like this and make excuses for mentally unhinged actions. This man had some issues going on in his inner soul, which he apparently kept hidden.

Even more disturbing is our public lack of support for victims.  Rajaee Shareef Black painted himself in a Facebook Live as a victim. He blamed his ex-wife for his depression and is quoted saying, "Don't play with people's emotions, man. Don't Lie on these men." And what I'm seeing on social media is a demented type of support for this man's actions. Does a custody battle make you want to kill the parent of your children? Or cause harm in any other way? 

Victim shaming...This is not ok!

Everyone can claim to be a victim of something. Whether it’s a bad childhood, a mean boss, or a nasty divorce, anyone can potentially adopt a victim mentality. Being a victim is a choice. A more productive choice is assuming the role of a survivor.

 

Why would someone choose to be a victim? It might not make sense on the surface, but there are several perks to taking on the role of a victim.

 

There are benefits to being a victim:

 

1. It’s always someone else’s fault. When you’re a victim, you don’t have to accept responsibility for anything. Life seems easier when it’s always someone else’s fault. There’s so little you can do.
   
   
2. Some people feel sorry for you. Being a victim can result in a lot of attention being thrown in your direction. Attention can be nice. Who wouldn’t want attention and sympathy?
   
   
3. Others expect less from you. After all, the world has mistreated you, and you can’t fend for yourself. You’re either not a capable person, or the odds are so stacked against you that little can be expected of you. Lower expectations are easier to deal with than high expectations.
   
   
4. Others give you what you want. With all the attention and sympathy you receive, some people are eager to help you out. You might be on the receiving end of money, favors, and other advantages. It’s manipulative, but it can be effective.

 

No one can deny that being a victim doesn’t have its advantages. However, there are disadvantages to being a victim, too.

 

Consider these challenges that come with being a victim:

1. Many people don’t respect you. You can’t fool everyone, and many people have been through worse. For everyone that pities you, there are several that aren’t impressed in the least. Playing small is hard to hide. Most people can spot your act from a mile away.
   
   
2. You don’t respect yourself. Down deep, you know you’re being pitiful. You know you’re capable of more, but you’ve given up. You’ve chosen to manipulate your way through life and indirectly asked others to carry your burden.
   
   
3. You give up control of your life. You can’t assertively manage your life and simultaneously be a victim. A lack of control is a significant contributor to unhappiness and depression.
   
   
4. You destroy your self-esteem. Without self-respect, it’s challenging to have a healthy level of self esteem. You might think you’re being clever, but you’re harming yourself a little more each day.
   
   
5. Others don’t trust you. Those with a victim mentality aren’t reliable. They’re too good at avoiding things they don’t want to do. Others quickly learn that you’re not reliable or trustworthy. This makes it hard to maintain friendships.
   
   
6. You have to avoid success. Success would ruin your victim status. You have to keep a low profile or others will instantly expect more from you.

 

The downside to being a victim is considerable. You slowly feel worse about yourself while control over your life slips away. Others resent the way you approach life, and few people will trust you.

 

It’s not easy to give up being a victim. There are benefits to living this way, but over time, the person that suffers the most is you.

 

A victim mentality hurts you more than it helps. Life is challenging, but it can be rewarding to face those challenges head on and to deal with life on your own terms. Give up being a victim and take responsibility for your life. Show yourself and the world that you’re a survivor.

Mental health is a real thing that we must never take for granted. Prayers go to the children who now don't have parents! 

Ask Ms Angie